Hurts Like This
by Only Sarah
Summary: His eyes had changed, and not in the way she had hoped. She deserved it, really. Angsty ChaseZoey
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: still no.

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Thinking about him just hurt too much. Too _fucking _much. But she did it anyways.

It had been seventy six hours since he left. Seventy six hours, the first seventy six of the rest of her life, all because of two hours of her life that she regretted. Two hours, and life as she knew it was over.

She lay on the floor, bottle overturned, spilled on the rug that she had picked out only three weeks prior. She knew he didn't care about the colour or the specific fabric, but she did. He just smiled and held her hand as she bought it, and took her out to lunch right after. She remembered so clearly, the way his eyes would crinkle when he smiled, or how he smiled slightly more to one side, and his laugh, clear and genuine. And she remembered how the smile was wiped off of his face in an instant, never to return. Well, at least around her.

Because if Zoey Matthews knew one thing, it was Chase, and she could read him like a book. And she knew, he was never coming back. She guessed she should probably take off the ring, the one they exchanged on their wedding day so many years ago, because she wasn't worthy of it. She wasn't worthy of him. She hated herself, fucking hated herself.

"_Oh come on. Let's just sneak off, my apartment is right across the street." The blond male said to her, leaning against the wall of her cubicle._

"_For the last time, Garrett. I'm married. I'm not interested." She spat, blushing a little as she looked into his eyes and realized that he knew. His eyes were royal blue, a pretty colour. She remembered them well from high school, for the brief time they had dated._

_He walked over to her and leaned his head down, where no one else in the office could see. "You sure?" He whispered in her ear, raising goose bumps on her arms._

_She shuddered, losing all her train of thought. "Umm…"_

"_It's your loss." He said, pressing his face against her own._

_She smiled, ever so subtly. She had always known that James was into her, and although she loved Chase with all of her heart, and would never intentionally (well before that day) hurt him, she left herself behind at work that day and left with him._

_Chase was busy with work, and they hadn't slept together in months. She was thirty five. Chase was working on his third novel, after sales on the first two went through the roof. She was proud of him, but she often felt as if he put too much time into his career, and not enough into the family. She just wanted some affection once and a while. He used to be so loving, so soft, caring, but the man she was living with seemed to be the polar opposite. So she went with James, and all hell broke loose._

She turned her head, noticing the spilt liquor, and got up, grabbing another bottle and taking a swig, not even feeling the burning as it went down. She looked up above the fireplace and saw their wedding picture, the frame cracked from their argument.

"Come home." She mumbled, staring at his face in the picture. "Please…"

Her eyes filled with tears and she set down the bottle and collapsed, screaming.

_She buttoned up her blouse, smoothed her hair down and stared at herself in the mirror. Paralysed with the fear of what had just occurred, her eyes widened and she felt sick._

"_You okay, babe?"_

_She had always hated being called that. "Yeah, James. I'm fine."_

"_Want me to drive you back to work?" He said, kissing her collarbone._

_She shoved him off. "No, I think I'm just going to go home."_

_And she ran out before he could see the tears streaming down her face._

_The walk back to her own house was forty minutes, and as she didn't have her car with her, she chose to walk. She knew that Chase would know something was wrong immediately, and she wouldn't be able to hide anything from him._

She dragged the blanket off of the sofa and wrapped it around her as she lay on the floor. She could distinctly smell the musk of his cologne, and she knew it would fade, so she stayed there and let the smell torture her. She deserved it.

_She walked in and set down her purse in the front hall, slowly walking around to the kitchen._

"_Hey." He said to her, smiling, and giving her an enthusiastic kiss, longer than their normal peck when she got home. "I finished my rough draft!" _

"_That's awesome." She said, trying to cover up her guilt._

"_Yeah I just…" He trailed off, looking at her face. "What's wrong? And why are you home so early?"_

"_Nothing. Just a busy day, not feeling very well." She smiled weakly._

"_Zoey." He just stared at her, analyzing her face, when she broke down._

_She sank to the floor and buried her head in her knees, sobbing._

"_What's wrong?" He tilted her head up, kneeling next to her. "What happened?"_

_She shook her head. "I did something bad. Really bad. And you're going to hate me forever."_

"_Zoey, seriously. I love you. I always will. Just tell me what's going on."_

"_You don't deserve this. You should hate me. I hate myself." She sobbed harder._

_His eyes hardened as he began to realize, and his hands dropped from her face. "What are you trying to say, Zo?"_

She couldn't bring herself to look in their (well, her) room anymore. She didn't want to see the bare room, the half empty closet. The room was eerie. She wished she hadn't been so selfish, and that she should have just discussed her concerns instead of acting on impulse.

"_No no no no no no, please, Chase, just listen to me. PLEASE. Chase. Chase, I love you. Please don't do this."_

_He hadn't said a word to her since she confessed. He just simply walked up to their room and started packing his belongings. _

"_Chase please. I love you."_

"_WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING ACTED LIKE IT." He screamed at her, his eyes tearing up as well._

"_Chase I made a mistake, please don't do this."_

"_Have the last ten years of us being married meant so little to you, that you would go and FUCK JAMES FUCKING GARRETT, JUST BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE BUSY, AND IT'S INCONVIENIENT TO YOU?"_

"_Chase I am so so so sorry just please listen to me." She rambled on between sobs._

_He picked up their wedding picture and dropped it on the ground, before taking the ring off of his left hand and leaving it on their kitchen table, and leaving out the front door._

_She ran after him into the driveway and down the street as he drove away, not looking back at her once._

Thinking about him just hurt too much, but the idea of him never coming back killed her.

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**A/N:**

**This was inspired by one of my friends who was recently cheated on. I don't know why specifically I wrote this, but since I've been watching her suffer for the past few weeks, I figured it would be best translated into writing.**

**It's 1:30 AM, so if my writing/spelling/grammar is shit than I don't care at the moment. Maybe I will after a decent night's sleep. I was just feeling like writing some angst, and I saw Austin Butler (James) on TV yesterday and decided to include him.**

**I might write a follow up/epilogue, but ONLY if this gets reviews, and you guys would actually read it. I want to hear FEEDBACK (please?).**

**-Sarah**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I was listening to 'Fix You – Coldplay, when I started writing. It helps set the mood.**

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His car was in the driveway when she got home from work, nearly four weeks since he left. Her heart skipped a beat, and for a moment she truly believed that he was coming home, when she remembered that he still had belongings there. He had only left with his clothing and his laptop. Everything else he owned still lay out where he left them, as she couldn't bring herself to clean up. It was just easier to pretend that he was out, rather than gone forever.

She walked up the driveway, opening the already unlocked front door and went straight up to her bedroom. He was lying on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. His expression was neutral but he had dark circles around his bloodshot eyes, and his face was blotched with red, as if he had been crying.

She stood in the doorway for what felt like an eternity, not daring to break the silence, before he turned his head and caught her eye. His eyes were hard, guarded, but not mean, like they had been so many days before. Finally, he sat up and patted the spot beside him, and she sat down crossed legged facing towards him.

She opened her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it. He spoke slowly, carefully choosing each individual word.

"What did I do, Zoey?" He said, looking her directly in the eye. "What did I do that was so terrible that made you do it?"

She stayed silent, not sure of how to respond.

He looked up, before returning his eyes to her. "I just want to know what was going through your head. I want to know what I did to possess you to do that."

"You didn't do anything, Chase. I fucked up. I made a stupid fucking mistake. You didn't do anything wrong."

He shook his head. "No, Zoey. We both know that's not the only reason. Just tell me the whole truth. I won't argue."

She looked down at the ring that was still bound on her finger. She refused to take it off.

She took a deep breath. "I was lonely. You were so into writing your novel and I work nine hours a day. When I'm home, you're either writing or cleaning, or doing other work. I felt like we barely even spoke anymore, and I was lonely." She began to tear up. "And I'm not defending my actions. I should have just told you, but stupid fucking James showed up and wouldn't leave me alone. I gave in."

His eyes turned sad. "Zoey." He ran a finger through his hair. "Were we really at a point where you felt like you couldn't talk to me?"

"No. We weren't. I just didn't want to blame you for anything, and I knew that your writing was going so well and I didn't want to mess that up for you. And I don't even know why you're still sitting here, listening to me. I'm pathetic and you should hate me."

He stood up and started pacing slowly around the room. "You're right. I should hate you."

Her eyes narrowed. "I love you, Chase." She said, simply.

He buried his face in his hands for a moment before looking up. "And here's the fucked up part, Zoey. I don't hate you. I never hated you. I'm incredibly mad at you, and I don't trust you anymore, but somehow, my stupid fucking heart disagrees with all forms of logic. I still love you, Zoey. It's completely fucked up. I should leave you, but I can't. I can't be here with you unhappy, but I can't leave.

"Don't leave me again." She said in a small voice. "Please."

"Zoey, you CHEATED on me, and you want me to stay?!"

"I know you'll never forgive me, and I deserve it, but I'm so sorry, Chase. I hate myself every minute for it. I love you, and I don't deserve you. But I need you. Please don't leave."

His eyes filled with tears, but he remained guarded. "I can't leave you."

She broke down into sobs and he wrapped his arms around her waist as she cried into his shirt. He pulled her away for a moment before kissing her.

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The weeks that followed were filled with awkward silences, sleeping in separate rooms, and counseling. He didn't trust her at first, but as the days progressed he seemed more and more like the boy she had known and grown to love. He slept in the guest room for weeks, before eventually surrendering and crawling into bed with her at 3:30AM one night.

She switched to a day job closer to their home, partly to get away from James, but mostly to be able to see her husband more. She came home at lunch some days, and others he picked her up and they went out. Day by day, she could feel her life rebuilding and their relationship strengthening.

He made an effort to communicate more with her, and they ate dinner together each night, rather than alone, as they used to. Once and a while he would look at her with the same disgust as when it happened, but for the most part, he looked at her with love, and nothing else.

She was still in pain from hurting him, but it was fading. And, eleven months later, as they sat on the swing in their backyard, her head resting on his shoulder, it was a blurred memory, a speck in the grand scheme of things, and life would move on. Chase stayed, and this time, she wasn't letting him go.

Ever.

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**A/N:**

**I don't really have much to say about this. THANK YOU to the people that reviewed. You guys rock.**

**This was kind of a follow up/part two/epilogue, and it's finished. It's not fantastic (and I somehow managed to make a grammatical error in the title when I posted it last night...it's fixed now) but it's not the typical Choey fluff. I was originally going to have him walk out and leave forever, but I wouldn't be able to live with that.**

**Anyways, review please. **

**-Sarah**


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